I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
