Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
