hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
