hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
