True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
