Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
