so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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