I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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