Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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