When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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