Don't you send me to vm
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
