Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
