Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
