There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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