Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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