Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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