I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
