We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
