Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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