Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
