I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
