11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
