I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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