Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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