i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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