friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
