Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
