ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
