You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
