Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
