I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
