6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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