So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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