Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
