Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
