I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
