we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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