Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i need some magic done to my vagina
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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