Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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