last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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