We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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