So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
