Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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