guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
