Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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