She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
