Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
