now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
