i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
