i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
organizing the empties. That sober.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize