you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
