I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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