who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
