I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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