how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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