I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
