I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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