So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
