so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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