96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
