just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
