I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
